Home sweet (310); FINALLY, we meet again.

Today was probably the first time I woke up in a perfect mood since moving to Tempe. Why? Because I knew at 3:50 pm I would be boarding a plane to fly back home.
Sitting through a 9:00 am math class about variances and a 12:00 pm history lecture was absolute torture! All I wanted was for the minutes to stop feeling like they're dragging on so I could just escape to my real home. The day went by too slowly and after what felt like the longest morning ever, it was time to make our way to Phoenix Sky Harbor Airport.

Terminal 1, Southwest Airlines, Gate D5. Next destination: Los Angeles.

As we descended, a rush of excitement took over my body and I wasn't in control anymore. I don't think I've ever been so happy to see LAX! After grabbing my overstuffed suitcase, I made my way over to my mom's little white Lexus and automatically smiled when I saw that "PRINSSK" license plate. Goodness it is just so heartwarming to be back in my comfort zone again.
Like my mom promised, we headed straight down the 405 South to Torrance. Little did my 3 and a half year old niece know that I would be picking her up from her brother's basketball practice...
I couldn't contain my emotions when Tamilyn ran clumsily toward me ecstatically screaming "Auntie Kanaaa!" If it weren't for dinner reservations, I think I could have sat there in the middle of the parking lot holding her for the rest of the night. There's just something about that toddler that makes me feel whole, complete, alive.
Off to dinner we went, and there we met up with my cousin and her daughter Taryn, Tami's baby cousin. Words can not describe the overwhelmingly beautiful feeling of holding an infant after being absent for 2 months. The void in my chest had been filled again.
Tonight I feel whole again. I could not have asked for a better "welcome home".

Tamilyn

Taryn

Let's be realistic.

Being realistic is a tough task for anyone to take on. No matter how hard we all try, we can't avoid getting our heads lost in the cloud sometimes. You just have to know that it's completely normal.
There's no right or wrong definition written in stone of what life is supposed to be like. Whether you're optimistic, pessimistic, or a mixture of both, there is no true answer as to how we are supposed to feel.

Welcome to my over-dramatic life that I tend to accidentally complicate sometimes... just slighty...

I'm eighteen. Enough said.
My life is blessed, yet I still take advantage of what I have compared to lesser fortunate people. Right now I am in college surrounded by a few great friends, with a family back home who loves me. And to add to that, I have the bonus of a special dear friend who is my support system from a thousand three hundred fifty five miles away, pushing me to be my greatest and saving me when I'm not.
What more could a girl ask for?
Let's see, there's the fact that I want to see my nieces Tamilyn and Taryn every day. A part of me is yearning to live in LA again because that is where my heart belongs. I wish I go back in time and relive the summer of 2010, or fast forwarding to winter 2010/2011 wouldn't be so bad either.

BUT, that's just not being realistic.
Making the most of what we have is the only solution to avoid disappointing ourselves.




Sixteen wasn't so sweet for me, and neither was seventeen. I had lost my way from reality and struggled to do anything right. As everything was getting stirred up and going horribly wrong during those years, I just gave up and honestly didn't care.
Nothing mattered.
That is, until I had hurt the person I loved the most by disappointing her. It never clicked in my head until my mother looked at me with red, swollen, teary eyes and said "I don't know who you are anymore. You're not my daughter." that I had become a stranger to everyone, including myself.
I was being without a doubt the most unrealistic brat. Ever.
I am so lucky to have gotten the chance to have most forgive me.
But that still doesn't mean I fully forgive myself.
Realistically, I am guilty of taking advantage of how beautiful my life really was and still is. Realistically, I was a royal pain in the ass and screwed up. Realistically, everything was my fault and the emotional debt I was in was a consequence of my own actions.

BUT it's called learning from our mistakes to help us grow stronger.

REALISTICALLY, we all deserve a second chance.

Trying to Find a Way

So today i decided to write my first post and enter the blogging world. thanks to Robyn Ritter Simon and her passion for updating her own blog as often as possible with her busy schedule, I have been inspired to write my own.
I am basing my blog on my life as a college freshman at Arizona State University in Tempe and the pros and cons of leaving the busy city of Los Angeles. Don't get me wrong, I love my life out here, and I'm so blessed to be able to get a true college experience but it does get lonely. Yes, this school has over 47,000 students but even in a crowded community my heart longs to be home when there's not enough distracting me.
Thank goodness I get to go home to the (310) tomorrow. My longing to be home has been way overdue. Being 350 miles away from where I was born and raised is the toughest experience I have ever gone through. Not only am I missing my baby pink walls and my temperpedic bed, but the comfort of knowing your family is around.
My cousin Kathy had her first baby, Taryn Airi Nakabayashi on July 19, 2010 at St. John's Hospital. Just by simply being born in the same hospital, I felt an instant connection with my niece. The first time I held her, I never wanted to let go. She wouldn't shed a single tear when she was in my arms because there was a special bond there that guaranteed her I wouldn't let anything harm her. When August 15, 2010 rolled around, it was time to say goodbye to her. I was taking of for my new life in Tempe the next morning. She is the first of my nephews and nieces that I will not be around to see every stage of her growing up. It tore my heart into pieces knowing it would be the last time kissing her on the forehead for the last time until October. Nothing was harder than saying goodbye to my precious baby Taryn, going from seeing her every day to cold turkey, 2 months without her.
That's why when I land at 5:10 at LAX off my flight on Southwest, my destination immediately after will be to see her.
Taryn, if you read this years from now, I just want you to know that I think about you every day out here and I miss you so bad it breaks my heart. I love you and can not wait to hold you again.
See you soon then...